MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

[D]

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

[Soundy]

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE


ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

And this makes men happier, how?

[Blitz]

Women live longer....so if men are happier why are they dying younger??? Perhaps they're just happier for a shorter period of time because the things they do to make them happy age them more quickly!! (like too many beers and combo burgers)

[Robbie]

Ahem, I don't like to criticize anybody for duplicate threads, especially you, Derek. So I was surprised that you would create a duplicate thread that was discussed extensively:

http://lionbackers.com/bc_lions/viewtop ... f=5&t=9724

But since you mentioned it anyways, I'll give you a rebuttal:

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

I'm not sure sure....it's not easy being a GUY either!!!

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the tough things in life, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework while she works, you're a sissy.

If you work too hard, you're a workaholic who never has time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, she's being exploited.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better.

If she gets a promotion ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favoritism.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you don't, it's typical male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're an insensitive jerk.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, you're dominating her because she's a woman.
If she asks you to do something you don't enjoy, it's a favor.

If you show a strong appreciation of the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert.
If you don't, you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.
If you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try hard to keep yourself in shape, you're vain and self-obsessed.
If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often, you're oversexed.
If you don't, there must be someone else.

[Rammer]

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

This has to be the most accurate of all the listings, although the $2 for $1 vs $1 for $2 is a close second.